Pumusha Lodge Hotel Room (Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe)
Morning
Tuesday. We say goodnight to Obert after a day of homestead visits in
the rural area around Mtshabezi. Obert asks if we can drive him to
Gwanda, 29 k's away from Mtshabezi. We say sure, of course, but we are
leaving promptly at 5am to drive up to Victoria Falls, so it is going
to be dark and early. Obert says it is not a problem.
Wednesday. Andrew's eyes open. He looks at the makeshift alarm clock
we borrowed.
Andrew: Crap…Botz!
Stephen: (mumbling) Yeah?
Andrew: It's a quarter to 6!
My head, off the pillow.
Stephen: It's a quarter to 6?
Andrew is already in the bathroom brushing, I'm putting on pants and
we are soon out the door.
An hour late Obert the Humble is waiting in the dewy morning grass on
the side of the main dirt road. We drive past him. I see him out of
the corner of my eye and we reverse to pick him up.
Obert: (smiling, playful) You are turning into Zimbabweans.
Andrew and I feel horrible. He tells us not to worry about it but we
nevertheless feel horrible.
It's 7am,we arrive in Gwanda, drop off Obert, and plan to see him next
week. We turn around, in the direction we just came and start making
the 500 k drive up to Victoria Falls, on the border of Zambia and the
Zambesi River.
Wednesday.1 In a rented jeep-like Prado (for terrain purposes) we are
cruising the vacant highways at 120-140 kph. Not overwhelmed by cars –
as they would be in the states – the wild life have not learned to
avoid the roads. Every 5 minutes or so we are slowing down to avoid
the slumbering sluggish cattle, or the goats, or the donkeys. But our
real enemies are the morning birds. For some reason they think it best
to perch themselves in the middle of the road and they fly away at the
last moment in a game of chicken. Why? Why birds, why? Well, you can
guess what happened next.
At this point all the birds have been clearing in time. And then
suddenly we watch a sluggish bird rise, start to fly and then
"whoomp." Andrew turns and looks at me. I, in the driver's seat, look
at him.
Andrew: Why won't they get out of the way?!
Stephen: (kind of smiling) Man, I don't want to kill life!
Andrew (taunting) Well…
Later, we drive and the window is now littered with bug debris as they
crash into the windshield.
Stephen: This windshield won't clean.
Andrew: What were you saying about taking life?
Stephen: I care a little less about the bugs.
Andrew: (more taunting) Yeah, well, the bird feather and some blood
just flew off a few minutes ago.
Stephen: (quickly defensive) No, no, no. I don't think so. That bird
flew away my friend, and he went on to live a happy life. And he went
on to heal other birds in fact!
Wednesday.2 As we get closer to the national parks in the north west
portion of the country, we start to see more interesting wild life. No
group more prevalent than the baboons. They indifferently stare at us
as we slow down to look at them and take pictures. They nonchalantly
walk across the road, four hands, saying to us, "oh, you only got
two?"
We slow down to wait for a group of baboons to pass. Andrew takes out
his camera. He and I, cynical to the baboons. One walks with food,
slowly, watching us, the food falling away from his mouth as he walks
away.
Andrew: Baboons (pause) What a bunch of ridiculous slobs. (pause) This
ain't no monkey in a tuxedo.
Wednesday.3 We drive further and see a few people on the side of the
road under a big tree. They reach out there hand, and we pull over.
Two women ask if they can have a ride, we say, of course hop in. A
younger man runs up behind him, he asks the same, he is going to the
Falls, can he have a ride, sure, we say. He has a bunch of packages so
we help him in. We pile them in the back. I am about to hit the gas
pedal to drive away and the young man starts saying, "ok ok ok ok,"
indicating we should stop. He doesn't speak much English, but he opens
the door and runs back to the tree. He has forgotten something.
Andrew: (watching the young man) Is he going for that chicken?
Stephen: (I turn to watch) What? Chicken?
The young man starts to round up a chicken.
Andrew: (amazed, this has never happened before) Yup, he is getting
that chicken.
The young man starts to come back to the car with the chicken in his hands.
Stephen: This…is…happening.
He hops in the car, we are ready to go. Andrew and I are looking at
the chicken. Andrew turns to me.
Andrew: Well, this is a new experience.
Wednesday.4 We are closer to Victoria Falls. We pass a town called
Hwange and two men are reaching their hands out. We pull over and pick
them up. One is in a hat, and nicer clothes then normal. We drive
further, 100 k's approaching Victoria Falls. The man is asking us a
lot of questions, more so than normal, "where are you from…what are
you doing here…what do you think about Zimbabwe…how much money can you
make in America…where do you live in America…" the entire time Andrew
and I engage him but the questioning seems slightly askew.
I slow the car down for a roadblock. The man rolls down his window and
just starts talking. I want to hush him because I don't know what he
is saying and technically the cops could nab you for picking up
hitchhikers. But the police officer at the roadblock waves us through
after smiling and laughing with the man.
Stephen: (to the man) You know him.
The Man: Yes, he is a friend. I am a CIO officer. We are the secret
police, we don't wear uniforms.
We soon drop him off.
Wednesday.5 We no sooner pull up to the town of Victoria Falls. It
very touristy and in a word, sleazy. We park our car and we are
attacked by people. One guy leans in Andrew's side window.
Guy: I need USD, I will give you 5 billion Zim dollars for 5 USD dollars.
He is trying to convince ignorant tourists of a sweet deal, expecting
us not to know that the Zim dollar is non-existent and worth nothing.
Andrew is waving him off. We don't want to be rude so we try to amuse
him further. He tries a few other ploys. He then leans in further and
whispers. We can't understand him through his accent and his whisper
but we have an idea.
Stephen: Excuse me?
He whispers again, we can't hear.
Andrew: Say that again.
Guy: You want some marijuana?
Andrew/Stephen: No, no, sorry, alright man, have a nice day.
He is persistent. He calls over his friend, a woman.
He looks at us, expectantly. He looks at her, he looks at us. It
quickly becomes clear to us what is exactly occurring here.
Guy: This is (lady, whatever her name is).
Lady: So what are you boys doing here in the Falls? Do you need any
help finding things?
Andrew/Stephen: No, no, thanks.
Lady: You sure, we can show you fun.
Andrew/Stephen: No, no, thanks. (to the guy and the girl) Alright, thanks guys.
Lady: So why are you here? What are you going to do? Why are you in
Zimbabwe? What are you doing here?
Andrew/Stephen: We just got here guys we are going to go, thanks.
Andrew is trying to close the window.
The Lady calls to her friend (some name) on the side.
Andrew: Alright, that's it.
Ha. We walk away laughing.
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